Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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