I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
