why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
