a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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