In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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