I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
