Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
