Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
