OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
