I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
