Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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