We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
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I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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