Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
