Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
where are you?
Hypothermia
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
