I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
