I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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