That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
