There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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