No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
