sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
