I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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