either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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