yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
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The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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