You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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