my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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