THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
