My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
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we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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