There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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