So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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