Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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