You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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