you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
