I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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