You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize