Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
