it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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