I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
