Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
