I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
