i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
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It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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