Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
