yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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