Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
