So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
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Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
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Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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