I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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