I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
