Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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