And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I need moral support for this bender
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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