nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
