Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
