The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
