They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
