Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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