I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
