He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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