I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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