i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
