I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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