apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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